Published on Grazia Daily on 28th March 2014
We could not be more excited to see bone fide sex goddess Angelina Jolie looking like a mad (albeit hot) goat in up-coming Maleficent. To celebrate, we examine five other villains we’d love to see holding their own in a feature film.
1. Cruella De Vil
We’ve always had big love for Cruella, you know, aside from the puppy-slaying thang. For one thing, she’s super chic – hello, monochrome – so the merchandise opportunities would be huge. We can see Karl Lagerfeld and Choupette paying homage.
There’s definitely scope for character development with this Spielberg monster. With his bad attitude, habit of compacting 4x4s and water-trembling abilities, his was the ultimate terror of Jurassic Park – we’ve certainly never dared to put on a pair of night vision goggles for fear of incurring his wrath. Well, alongside the fact that we don’t own any. A full length film would allow us to really get to know him – a dino Bildungsroman showing him growing up on the work side of the tracks, and turning to rampaging to escape his pain.
3. The Grand High Witch
We nearly, neeeaarly gave up chocolate after watching The Witches where it was used to turn kids into mice. This big screen adaptation of Roald Dahl’s most chilling tale featured Anjelica Huston gamely rocking some severe prosthetics – even Gomez Addams would have been repulsed – and frying fellow witches with her eyes. Chilling. We hear stories of her previous evil schemes – from plonking children into paintings, to turning them to stone – but there’s definitely an opportunity to make a documentary charting her exploits – Murdering Around The World, With The GHW. Apart from anything, we’d love to see what she gets up to in her downtime – adults only cruises?
4. Jack Berger
More of a villain in the Post-It sense (as in, dumping someone with one) than the panto sense, Jack Berger might not be quite up there with Maleficent on the terror scale, but his relationship with SATC’s Carrie Bradshaw was a very modern horror story of commitment phobia, and we’d like to see him punished. 90 minutes of him being pelted with rotten fruit (particularly pineapples – remember the court case scene?) and veg, preferably in 3D, should do it.
Our favourite slightly camp, wannabe despot lion ever, Scar holds a special place in our hearts thanks to his rather sexy voice (thanks, Jeremy Irons) and dry sense of humour in the Lion King. Yes, he killed Mufasa and ruined the savannah for a bit, but perhaps it’s time to see him in a new light. We think he’s could easily carry his own film – Lion King II: Scar goes to Malibu. A spring-break movie featuring our drole hero doing physical comedy – puncturing lilos with his claws and having one too many pina coladas with hilarious results.